


Call Me Son One More Time

by perrywings



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV) References, But only if you squint, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Gen, Humor, Inspired by Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), hint of Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, if it's a scene from brooklyn 99 does it count as a b99 au?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25351192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perrywings/pseuds/perrywings
Summary: Someone’s probably already done this, but I didn't see it so I wrote it anyway on a whim. It’s literally just the “Jake accidentally calls Holt Dad” cold open from Brooklyn 99 but Hamilton.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton & George Washington, Alexander Hamilton & Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, Alexander Hamilton & John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton & John Laurens & Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette
Comments: 8
Kudos: 74





	Call Me Son One More Time

It had started as a normal day for Hamilton and the rest of Washington’s staff and aides in the war camp. None of them were on missions, so they were all at their desks, filling out paperwork, answering letters, organizing files and reports, and dealing with all other written and administrative duties that came with running a revolution army, of which there was a surprisingly large amount.

Hamilton was currently taking a young soldier’s account of a duel that he’d been brought in and written up for by his commanding officer to be punished for - a duel that the young soldier was trying (and failing) to convince Hamilton didn’t actually happen - or, at least, that it hadn’t been _him_ dueling.

“So, again, your alibi is a mysterious stranger handed you the gun, made you put a bullet in it, fought the duel, and then hid the gun in your jacket,” Hamilton said, trying to keep his tone even and his face blank. He was much more successful with the tone than the face.

“Well, yeah, if you say it like that, it don’t sound believable,” said the young soldier, way more miffed than he had the right to be.

Hamilton was distracted by glancing over the young soldier to see General Washington and a few other senior officers enter the room, having just returned from a meeting, and walking through the room towards the General’s office. This would be the only opportunity Hamilton would have to catch Washington for at least a few hours.

Hamilton turned and got General Washington’s attention as he neared. “Oh, hey, General, did you get my report on the armory budget?” he asked.

“Yes, I looked it over. Nice work,” said Washington approvingly, before proceeding past Hamilton’s desk.

“Good, thanks, Dad,” said Hamilton, mind already refocusing on the task he was working on and not really paying attention his own answer. He continued to write without picking up on everyone else freezing, falling silent, and looking at him incredulously, up until he noticed he could only hear the scratching of his own quill and realized it was far too quiet in the room. He looked up and saw everyone’s gaze on him. “...why is everyone staring at me?”

“You just called General Washington ‘Dad’. You said, ‘Thanks, Dad’,” said Laurens. There was amusement in his voice and a smile on his face. Hamilton wanted to hate how Laurens’ eyes sparkled like they did when he laughed, but he loved Laurens’ eyes too much. That didn’t mean Hamilton didn’t resent the teasing.

“What? No, I didn’t, I said ‘thanks, sir’, ” Hamilton protested.

“Do you see me as a father figure, Hamilton?” Washington asked, amusement and hope within his usual seriousness.

“No,” Hamilton insisted. “If anything, I see you as a bother figure, because you’re always bothering me.”

“Hey, show your father some respect,” said Lafayette, standing up. Despite trying to appear stern, Lafayette also seemed to be enjoying this. Hamilton honestly wasn’t quite sure if Lafayette actually believed the rumors that Hamilton was General Washington’s illegitimate son, or if he was just taking the opportunity to make fun of him. For Hamilton’s sanity, he chose to believe it was the latter.

“I didn’t call him ‘dad’!” Hamilton snapped at his friend.

“Oh, no, no, no, no, _Alexander_ , I take it as a compliment,” said Washington, trying to reassure him.

Hamilton scowled, embarrassed with all this attention.

“It’s not a big deal, I called Theodosia ‘Mom’ once and she’s my fiancée,” said Burr (who Hamilton wasn’t sure why he was there but at the moment he’d take it), directing attention away from Hamilton.

Hamilton was all too willing to help redirect that attention. “Guys, jump on that! Burr has psycho-sexual issues!”

“Old news,” said Lee, a petty smirk on his face. “But you calling Washington ‘Daddy’-”

“Hey, ‘Daddy’ is not on the table here,” said Hamilton, cutting Lee off.

The young soldier standing in front of Hamilton’s desk made a face. “But, you did call him ‘dad’, sir.”

Hamilton made a dismissive gesture at him. “You shut up, you’ve done nothing but lie since you got here.”

“Alright, alright, I was lying about the duel but the dad thing, that happened,” said the young soldier.

“Ha-ha!” Hamilton exclaimed, standing up. “He admitted that his alibi was a lie.” He grinned smugly at the rest of the staff members as he thought up a claim to save face. “It was a trap - all part of my...crazy...devious plan.” If anyone were to ask, he’d say those pauses were definitely for dramatic effect.

Washington didn’t seem surprised at Hamilton’s antics. “Well, I believe you.” 

“Thank you,” said Hamilton emphatically.

But Washington wasn’t finished. “-Son.”

Hamilton huffed. General Washington was supposed to be a professional, now he was getting in on the teasing?

And Washington was still talking. “You wanna talk about it later over a game of catch?”

How could Washington betray him like this? “No, sir,” he grunted. He never wanted to speak about this again.

As Washington finally left and the others chuckled at his expense as the staff all got back to work, Hamilton could only stare after him with frustration. Had he really been too surprised to remember to tell Washington not to call him ‘son’ (for what must have been the millionth time)? He knew Washington was going to be worse about that calling him ‘son’ thing from now on. Hamilton shook his head and forced himself to get back to the task at hand, sitting down and dunking the end of his quill into the inkwell with a little more force than perhaps strictly necessary.

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to put it out there that I don't own the characters or any recognizable dialogue :)
> 
> Also, I'm a veteran theatre nerd but Hamilton is my newest obsession that I just got into because I watched Hamilton on Disney+ the day they released it because I have this weird thing where I don't listen to cast albums until I've seen the show because you miss so much when you don't see what's happening on stage and hear the in-between dialogue. I'm sorry if I didn't write the characters in-character enough :(
> 
> Historical fact, there actually were rumors Hamilton was Washington's biological son, but Hamilton was four years too young for them to be true. Was a cool tidbit to throw in here, though!
> 
> And, just so I'm perfectly clear, while I enjoy Brooklyn 99 as a show, I do not and will never condone the murders of innocent American citizens by the police, nor the police's brutality towards protesters. From an academic perspective, the police system has become a system of power and control that has been historically shaped to oppress certain communities, and has gotten increasingly more violent and militaristic in scary ways. From an emotional perspective, I feel compassion for victims, their families, and those in fear, and I worry for the fates of my black/African-American friends and colleagues. I do, however, employ the concept of media literacy, which is how I can enjoy a well-written and humorous fictional TV show that has done more to address police issues than actual police officers, while recognizing that Brooklyn 99 is not a completely accurate depiction of the police.
> 
> Honestly, I just wanted to write this because this scene seemed like a perfect fit for Alexander Hamilton's extreme distaste for any claim of a familial relationship with George Washington. I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
